Forensic Shopping Investigation V: Buying Vanity

Ever done anything and you’re not quite sure of your motivation for doing it? I recently went and peroxided my hair blond, grew a moustache, and received a deep spray tan. I’m not entirely sure why. Potential reasons could be:

• To give me something to write about as a Forensic Shopping Investigation
• To garner attention
• Because it’s an interesting social experiment to dramatically change ones looks
• It entertains others
• Because it’s fun seeking out new experiences
• I’m approaching 40
• ...or maybe I just wanted to appease Renata at work who thought it would be really funny

I’m not a huge believer in understanding ‘why’ we do things (see previous blogs here), but how. So if you’ve ever wondered what’s involved in getting your hair peroxided blond, followed by an intense spray tan – here’s how it goes.

Create Time

The session peroxiding my hair took about 2.5 hours. Getting a spray tan takes about 30 minutes. However, you have to leave on a film of brown muck on your body for 6 hours before showering (I didn’t realize this).

Create money

My hair was done at Rokk Ebony ($175), and my tan at Soleil ($45). Various products were offered to me at Soleil (ranging from $30 for moisturizer to $60 moisturizer with bronzer?) The service I received at both was lovely.

Be Prepared to Feel Gross

The hair wasn’t so bad. I actually wanted to get the peroxide done right to the roots. However the lovely ‘colourist’ refused telling me it would look awful. She then told me she’s never had her own hair coloured – and doesn’t much like the look of other people doing it either. She foiled my hair (see photo) let it burn, put a heater on to cook it a bit more, took the foils off, washed it, put a bit of yellow colour in, blow dried, and I was done. I was on my Blackberry the whole time, and although it felt a bit uncomfortable and silly it was all fine. However, the spray tan was something else. Here’s what happens:

• I pay
• I walk into a tiny, grotty, shower cubical (disgusting in every way, except for a picture of Corfu on the wall – inspiration I guess)
• I strip (you can wear little undies they give you, or your own. I actually left my jeans on as I only wanted the top half done
• A lady came in and with a converted hair dryer blew a fine dirt like substance on me (a derivative of sugar cane she tells me). She told me to assume many interesting positions to ensure the brown muck evenly covered my body.
• Same lady then blow dries my body with the same device
• I put my clothes on and leave.

As I leave she mentions to not get wet at all (“one drop of water on you skin will make it streak”) or perspire for 6 hours. It’s humid, and pouring with rain outside, I know I am destined for disaster. Throughout the day the spray tan gets darker and darker making one look like a complete idiot (see photo). I sincerely apologise to the Regional Marketing Director I met and had lunch with that day. I washed much of it off that evening, but still look inappropriately ‘summery’.

We’re Screwed?

Our increasingly superficial society is causing peoples concept of self-identity to fuse more and more with physical appearance. We are distorting our bodies more and more to meet some mythical ideal (Actual Self + Brand = Ideal Self). More and more weird and invasive beauty treatments are now considered normal (like spraying shit over ones whole body, and chemically cooking your own hair). Unfortunately, self-acceptance is fighting an uphill battle against everyone telling us we should be (and look like) someone else. And we’re probably getting more depressed and anxious as a result.

As an aside, people keep looking at me funny too - and I'm not sure why?

Why Master Chef is So Popular

Before I go on I have to confess I've never watched MasterChef, never given it a spare 5 minute glance. Hence, this post may fall down under interrogation. That declared, I want to have a guess as to the three reasons that make MasterChef so popular:

1. Sport for Females

Sport always has an inherent drama in its structure. The good (who you support) and the bad (the others) do battle. The good overcomes adversity to win the day, or alternatively there is an injustice and they die. MasterChef is a sport for females. Why? It's easier to passionately follow a sport if you've played that sport yourself, even at a very junior levels. That way you can relate to the skills on show. The field of endeavour in MasterChef, cooking, is something many women (and of course men) can relate to. They can compare their gravy to the gravy made by the contestants on the show. The women love it, the (non-cooking) men can still enjoy it (it's sport), and therefore couples and families watch it together - both satisfied.

The entire show is structured like a good footy competition (complete with bad umpiring decisions) and with up to 5 million tipped to watch the final episode that will make it bigger than the AFL Grand Final (3.75 million).

2. It's Simple

Who is the best cook. Australian's don't like to have to think about their TV to hard. MasterChef keeps it really simple.

3. It's a Great Vehicle For Brands

With so many sponsors included in the show, there are many opportunities for the show to exist outside of the TV program format and it permeates into all parts of culture. If each brand endorsing the show, also mentions MasterChef in their communications then the show starts to create its own sense of bigness and popularity, thereby normalising the watching of it, bringing in even more viewers.

OK, so I've never see the show. They're not the only reasons - but anything that captures Australia's imagination as completely as MasterChef has is worth a few minutes analysis.

What would you say are the key reasons it's so popular?

The Seduction of Cool

It's a little disconcerting to see how easily marketers and ad agency snakes get seduced by the latest cool director, or thing.

Gen Y are Marketing Saturated not Marketing Savvy

I've said it elsewhere, but I was recently asked to comment on Gen Y and their consumer habits to Cleo. They published pretty much what I said (see article above). However, I've had a bit of feedback saying how wrong I am, and how Generation Y has its marketing defences up more than any other previous generation. The reactions against my assertions claim that younger people are demanding more 'utility' and less 'puffery' from marketing.

I'm not sure if my comments in the article above are correct or not. However, I do think it's a conversation worth having. We are so keen to use marketing buzzwords that we say things like the youth of today are so 'marketing savvy' - but are they? What does that really mean?

Consider this: Who is more likely to fall for the latest over hyped marketing guff? Generation Y (or younger) or their grandparents?